


everything gone & all still to come

by figurehead



Category: Music RPF, Real Person Fiction, The Cure (Band)
Genre: Everyone is cute, F/M, Fluff, Trans Female Character, anyway robert is a trans girl n her chosen name is charlotte, featuring cameos from crystal castles and alex kapranos of franz ferdinand!, i feel their roles are too small for character tags though, simon is a wonderful human being
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-30
Updated: 2015-09-30
Packaged: 2018-04-24 01:50:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4900939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/figurehead/pseuds/figurehead
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I'm just thinking that, um… this is our first show since you came out, so…"<br/>"Yeah, it feels like that school concert with Malice all over again," Charlotte laughs softly, fiddling with a beaded bracelet around her wrist. "…except things are a lot different."</p>
            </blockquote>





	everything gone & all still to come

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: I do not own or know the members of The Cure. Any events described here are entirely fictional and I make no profit from writing this. I do not intend to make any insinuations about any of the members of the band or their personal lives. If trans headcanons concerning real people make you uncomfy for any reason, I suggest you turn back now.
> 
> //
> 
> Ok this is set during the NME Big Gig in 2009 (pearl thompson was still going by 'porl' at the time lmao i hate deadnaming pearl for the sake of accuracy) and it took me a lot longer to finish this than I wanted it to lmao. i got the name charlotte from the cure song charlotte sometimes (and by association the book it was based on + named after) because im an unimaginative fuck  
> also ive implied here that charlotte n mary have an open relationship but i wasnt sure whether to put it in the F/F category??? its much too backgrounded (which i would like to add is probably Not A Real Word) AUGHBLHUGHGBA
> 
> I am done talking lets start

"You gonna be alright?"

At the sound of my voice Charlotte whips her head round to face me, her eyebrows raised in recognition. "Uh, yeah, I s'pose so," she coughs, scratching the back of her neck, "why d'you ask?"  
I reach back to grab my jacket from the back of a chair behind me, slinging it over my shoulders. "Oh, nothing," I reply, slipping my arms through the sleeves. "I'm just thinking that, um… this is our first show since you came out, so…"  
"Yeah, it feels like that school concert with Malice all over again," Charlotte laughs softly, fiddling with a beaded bracelet around her wrist. "…except things are a lot different."

Suddenly I think back to a time back in 1985 when she confessed to me through choked sobs that she couldn't keep lying to herself anymore and she was sure she was meant to be a girl, her stormy eyes filling up with tears, and that she was terrified of telling Mary and her ending their relationship because of it - when she eventually did, however, Mary held her close and kissed away her tears, promising to support her every step of the way. Charlotte wanted to keep it between the three of us until she felt ready to come out to anybody else, but eventually after about 23 years of being misgendered in music press and not being able to say anything about it, she'd anxiously posted a sudden public announcement on the official Cure website, hiding away in her bedsheets straight afterwards. She trusted me to look through the comments people had left on her post; most of them were pretty supportive, a few 'come to Brazil's here and there, but obviously there were a few twats who'd used their anonymity to say the nastiest things about her that they could come up with - one person had even posted a link to a YouTube video showing them flinging a Pornography vinyl out of their window in a blind bigoted rage, and that wasn't even the worst of it - and soon enough my morbid curiosity got the better of me, so I'd made an account on Twitter and personally replied to every rude fucker who had ever said a single word about her music or her looks or her body and essentially told them to piss off until they had made an album that went platinum twice in America. Then I'd driven all the way to her house and held her closer and tighter than I'd ever done before, her body shaking in my arms with heavy sobs as she clung to me like she was wordlessly begging me to stay - and in hushed tones I'd promised her that I'd never leave her side.

Obviously I hadn't intended to go as far as I had, but by the time I'd logged out of Twitter I completely understood Charlotte's distaste for social media - and to a lesser extent just how much she had to deal with as a trans woman in the music industry. I mean, people who had up until that point devotedly followed The Cure for years had started threatening violence towards her because of who she was, and even though just thinking about it now still makes my blood boil I've sworn since then that I'll never let anyone try to hurt her in any way, even if it means I have to personally whack a few arseholes round the head with my bass - though thankfully it hasn't come to that. Suddenly I realise I've gotten lost in my own thoughts again, and somehow only within the space of ten seconds, and I lean backwards against the chair and run my hand through my hair.

"Mmhm. There probably won't be a riot," I ponder aloud. "Well, at least I hope not anyway!"  
"And the singer isn't a journalist in a Manchester United scarf and a motorcycle helmet he won't let go of!" Charlotte laughs again, her eyes shining with mirth, and I can't help but recall the mental image of Martin Creasy fleeing in embarrassment as hundreds of people stormed the stage at the ill-fated school concert, his reputation as a serious musician well and truly ruined - just as I'd first heard about it from Charlotte all those years ago - and it's then I truly realise just how far The Cure have come as a band, not to mention what Charlotte and I have been through together - not just as bandmates, but friends and lovers too. 

"Nope!" I grin, making my way towards her and slipping my left arm around her waist, moving my other hand beneath her chin to tilt her face up towards mine. "Instead it's the most talented and gorgeous trans woman I know, and I wouldn't have it any other way."

Charlotte gazes back at me in amazement, her greyish blue eyes wide and a light blush spreading across her face, before she smiles widely and bites her lip, and she's so gorgeous in her unguarded shyness that I can't help but lean in to kiss her, my left hand moving up to touch her cheek. As I pull her closer against me I feel her arms coming up to wrap around my neck, one hand threading itself into my hair to press my mouth closer to hers, and my head's reeling at the feel of her soft warm body in my arms and the sickly sweet taste of her lips on mine, just like I'd felt that first drunken dizzy moment all those years back when we were much younger and playing in much smaller venues to much smaller crowds. I'm slipping my hand round to the back of Charlotte's neck when I hear it; the distant roaring of an eager crowd, and as I reluctantly pull back to break the kiss I lean in to press my forehead against hers.

Our eyes meet for a brief but lingering moment before she bursts out laughing and raises her hand to wipe my mouth with her sleeve, and I watch her as she crosses the room towards the mirror to fix her lipstick - if I went onstage now with Ruby Woo smeared across my face, the consequences would be potentially be devastating. I try not to dwell on it too much, though. "How're you feeling now?" I ask her, making eye contact with her reflection in the mirror.

Charlotte turns round to face me again, smacking her lips together to distribute the colour round her mouth, before she twists her whole body round towards me. "I'm still a bit nervous, but I think I'll be alright," she smiles shyly, casting her gaze down towards her boots.  
"D'you want me to walk with you anyway?" I offer, slipping my hands into my pockets and keeping my eyes fixed on her face.  
At my words I see her eyes light up, almost as if I'd offered her the entire world at her disposal, and then she's grinning so widely and brightly that my heart feels like it's going to swell up and burst with the love I have for her. "I'd like that," she replies, the weight of the world lifted off her shoulders for a moment. 

With a slight nervous smile I hold my hand out to Charlotte and she eagerly accepts my offer, making her way over to me and slipping her hand in mine, and I look back at her as I give it a reassuring squeeze and see the look of anticipation upon her face. I lead us both out of the dressing room and down the long, bleached white corridor leading towards the stage, passing the two members of Crystal Castles who give us a silent nod of encouragement, still unsuccessfully trying to mask their excitement at seeing us with a look of cool detachment especially as Charlotte graces the singer - Alice, I think her name was - with a wave, and the frontman from Franz Ferdinand who claps me on the shoulder and wishes us good luck tonight, he knows we're going to be great, and it's almost as if the extra attention is settling my nerves a little bit; and as I look over at Charlotte for a moment I hope she's feeling the same - god knows she'll really need it. I gently slip my hand out of her grasp to wrap my arm around her waist, feeling her leaning in closer to me, and as we reach the bottom of the steps leading towards the stage Jason and Porl catch up with us, Porl tottering in his platforms and Jason positively bouncing with anticipation.  As Porl pulls Charlotte into a supportive hug I can't help but think, _maybe this is it, maybe this one moment is what our lives have been spiralling towards all this time,_ and I swear I can almost feel a tear welling up in my eye as I remember how far the band has come, how far we've all collectively worked to get to the point where Charlotte can fearlessly perform before tens of thousands of people - soon I feel her hand brushing against mine, quickly bringing me back to reality, and I lift my head to lock eyes with her again.

"Jason's getting restless," she smirks, inclining her head towards Jason shifting his weight between two feet, his face lit up like a thirty watt bulb, "we'd better head onstage soon."  
"Good idea. You ready?" I ask her, squeezing her hand again.

Charlotte fixes her gaze on me for a moment with a smile, before she leans in to me, puts her lips to my ear and whispers, "Ready as I'll ever be, Simon." 

When she pulls back she's still looking at me, biting down on her lip to just barely stifle her gorgeous grin, before she turns toward Jason and Porl with a nod, and I watch as Jason eagerly bounds up the steps leading to the stage, Porl following close behind him. Just as I start to head up after them I look back at Charlotte for a moment and I see her with her eyes brighter than they've ever been before, and as she takes my hand in hers I feel like my heart's going to swell up and burst with all the love I have for her. The walk up the narrow steps to the stage - the same walk I've been taking for nearly thirty years - feels different somehow, almost newer, as if we're leaving the past behind us and walking headstrong towards the future, and I know if I couldn't take this journey without Charlotte by my side I wouldn't want to take it at all.

I look back at her again over my shoulder when we reach the stage and she's still smiling back at me, her eyes glittering with promises of the future ahead of us, just as I finally step forward into the blinding glare of the stage lights, surveying the crowd for a moment with my arm held up to shield my eyes. As I move to pick up my bass I feel Charlotte's hand brushing against my arm, a returning gesture of reassurance that she's gonna be okay and so am I, and I can't help but watch her as she crosses the stage to take her place at the microphone, the glow in her hair from the spotlights forming a halo around her head, and to me she's never been more beautiful than she is now; the picture of tentative confidence with her guitar slung over her shoulder, looking out fearlessly at the crowd with a shy smile on her face. I take my own place at the end of the stage to my left just as the intro tape for Underneath the Stars begins to play, and as I look over at Charlotte one more time before facing the crowd I can't help but think that this might very well be the beginning of the rest of our lives.

 

**Author's Note:**

> congratulations!!! you read the whole damn thing!!! sorry its crap lmao
> 
> Special thanks to jarvis for believing in me whenever this fic kicked my ass and them are us too for releasing a bomb ass debut album!!!! BUY REMAIN ON ITUNES TBH  
> the walk to the stage is very roughly based on this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qoZTaecX1RY i love pearl's funny walk


End file.
